Thread: Help
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Old 12-10-2009, 05:28 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
cessy68
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Hi Teke,

I guess being 'done' is different for everyone. When my first husband and I divorced, I was done. The guilt was immense, because we just 'grew apart', and I felt 'bad' that I didn't feel the way I used to. I would acutally pray that he would find someone else, just so that I didn't have to feel guilty/bad.

I have had many different relationships since then, and all I can say is that I use that as a barometer for whether I'm done or not 'really' done. With my abf, I can't pray that I hope he finds someone else.......... because I know it would hurt me to the core, this tells me that I'm not done.

I don't think guilt is healthy, yet it is a part of our sub-conscious that can guide us as to what's right or wrong for us.

When I look back at feeling guilty for my first marriage, I know it was because I really was wrong.

If I were to get 'done' with my abf, I'd have NOTHING to feel guilty about, because I really did give it my all.... but I'm just not done.... there is a difference.

(side-note) my second marriage, was emotionally-abusive. When I left, I was sad, despodent, and cried a lot. I wanted it to work... but KNEW I was done. He did try begging me to go to therapy while we were seperated, blew up in the therapists office, (tried 2 different ones) and it confirmed that I was DONE. I never felt guilty then either.

Search deep inside you and decide if the guilt is telling you that you truely aren't doing the right thing, or if you just haven't ever know how to do what is right for you.

I think when we are healthy, guilt guides us.
I think when we are NOT healthy, guilt is a sinister little emotion, that can mess us up further, and keep us unhealthy.

Hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

Love,
Cess
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