teke

sometimes i have the hardest time saying no, when i do, i'm left feeling really really guilty. a lot of times i will actually change my mind and do whatever ask of me even though i really don't want to.

in the past, sometimes i allowed my ah to come home after his claims of doing better simply because i felt guilty, even when i knew he was not doing any better and more than likely still gonna use when he got a chance/when i knew he'd be leaving as soon as he got bored or used.

ok, he's sent the 2 letters and today, he had someone he met in jail(i guess) call me, left message for me to hurry and write him back, i'm beginning to feel really guilty, i don't want to write him at all.

he's talking "work things out between us" and i'm thinking there is no "us". to be honest, i kind of excepted him moving on to someone else. now i can see myself having to go through all that emotional stuff he might want to talk about when he gets out.

this is really bothering me because i know soon i'm gonna have to deal with him getting out. the weather is the only thing i feel comfortable talking to him about. when i think about "us", i feel all panicky.

i'm tired of hurting myself trying to keep from hurting others. can you guys help me to understand why i have to feel this way? i find myself doing what i think others expect of me rather than doing what i want to do and sometime, what i think is best for me to do.