Ugh. The big book has a way out!!!!
That is the way I read it. For years. I've been in the program for 9 years and have given myself to this simple program, have gone to treatment, have gone to detox, have lost it all, have gained it all back, have almost lost it all. It sucks.
All I know for a fact is I have a desire to stop drinking TODAY. All I have to do is to get my head on my pillow TONIGHT sober. The rest will take care of itself.
I lie to myself all the time. This time it will be different. Just one more. I'm different. I've handled it before. Meetings and talking to people helps me see the truth. They force me to be honest to myself.
Things are better lately.
Good luck.