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Old 12-08-2009, 07:40 PM
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siberianheart
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1
Newbie From NZ... Rant...Sorry

Hi
I've been lurkeing around this forum for the last few days until I felt brave enough to post.
I had been going to AA and had 18 months sober under my belt before I got a case of the '1 more won't hurt' and got plastered.
I am now only 3 days sober after a bender at my partners Firefighting Xmas party. I know I embarressed him and worse of all we met up with his boss and workmates in town (it's a small town) and I embarressed myself by flirting with his boss. By that time though my partner had gone home and I was out on my own.
Im just so sick of this. I hate it. I know for a fact that I am slowly knocking days off my lifespan when I drink not to mention the guilt, intense paranioa, suicidal tendancies and severe anxiety that hits me in the days after.
I work 2 nights a week and can't go to AA anymore as I have 2 kids and my partner also has firefighting training etc. AA is only on 1 day a week here and I can't make it that night.
Before the other night I was having really cold feet about getting married to my partner in April 2010 but I know he is the one for me as he is my best friend. Im just scared I have screwed things up and I keep waiting for him to realise that he deserves so much better than me.
Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself really.
Im Andrea and I'm an alcoholic.
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