Boomslang

I've been hanging around here for a while and never really said who I am or why I'm here - if I'm posting in the wrong section, sorry - so here it goes:

I'm a 38 year old married guy, 2 kids ages 4 1/2 and 6. I've been drinking since I was 18. It doesn't help that I am surrounded by drinkers - all family members and extended family, friends, etc. - but I certainly never turned anything down or thought anything was wrong. I just figured blackouts and hangovers were part of having a good time, not realizing that that wasn't part of normal social drinking. This went on for years without question, and my consumption turned in to a nightly thing. Lots of beer - at least a 12 pack a night, more on weekends.

After the kids were born, I slowed down a little - being up every couple of hours with a crying baby is tough, but once they started sleeping through the night I was back where I was before. However, my feelings towards it were starting to change. I guess I was starting to realize that I was responsible for them and a role model (duh) and that if I were in their shoes I wouldn't want my Dad to be a drunk and I didn't want them to think what I was doing was O.K., but it had gone so far I didn't know what to do. I tried stopping a couple of times, the longest lasting about 6 weeks. It was terrible - white knuckle freakout - and I always ended up drinking again. I wanted to stop, I just couldn't. I felt completely lost and hopeless.

Here's where it gets weird. In August of this year, the kids were in bed and I was a few beers in to my evening when I got a splitting headache. I've had migraines before, and this was WAY worse. I took a couple of aspirin, laid down on the couch and eventually fell asleep. IMPORTANT SAFETY NOTE: knowing what I now know, I should have gone to the hospital right there, if anything like this ever happens to anyone reading this PLEASE SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION. Anyway, I had kind of a mild headache and was achy all the next day, thought I had the flu. Went to have my first beer of the night and I couldn't even stand the smell of it. I put it down without taking a sip and that was it. No more booze. I had about 10 days of headaches, sweats, sleeplessness, and a strange feeling of not being able to get comfortable no matter what position I was in, but that went away. The weird thing is that I knew it would, that I was done - all I had to do was tough it out and I was done.

About 5 days in to my detox, I was surfing the internet looking for information about alcohol withdrawal (another duh, probably should have done that on day 1) and I found SR. It felt so good to find a place where there where people who had the same problem, and to see how they were dealing with it. Lots of great information, and very reassuring at a time I needed some reassuring. I learned that there's a difference between "not drinking" and recovering, and that's made all the difference for me.

So that's who I am and where I'm at - happier, healthier, and very grateful to be sober. Thanks for being here.