Old 12-05-2009, 10:30 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
ItsmeAlice
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Hey TC honey!

I'm so sorry that things are triggering you these days. It will take time and recovery before you can pass through a memory without it affecting your mood in a substantial way. I have faith that this will happen.

You seem to still see your past as a negative that you cannot forgive yourself for. Mistakes are mistakes. Bad times are bad times. You can and you will move on. You do not have to hold your heart hostage because of those things anymore.

Your depression meds could also be contributing to your lack of desire for intimacy. If your head is telling you one thing about your boyfriend such that he has all the qualities you are looking for in a man, but your heart is holding you back, you will want to look into what might be inhibiting you. It could also be just too damn soon to be involved with someone that way. Close friendships may be all that you can emotionally handle right now. I believe they are the the most healing kind in some ways. Family relations carry baggage and romantic relations are so emotionally taxing if you are not strong enough going into them.

...it should go without saying that any man worthy of you should be willing to wait for you to be ready in mind, heart, and spirit.

Maybe the machismo of the culture you are in is not the best environment for you to grow in your own confidence and independence. I am not knocking the culture, mind you, just aware that women are regarded differently. I agree that a change of venue may help in many ways (the contact with your EX especially). What other places could you imagine yourself??

There are many locales that are short on gorgeous gals such as yourself that would welcome you!!

I've been daydreaming lately of saving up money and buying a big motor home. The square footage would actually be more than I have now, the cost of upkeep (I've read) is lower than a home, and I would never have to load a moving truck again. I could just start her up when I wanted a change of scenery. I've watched shows about people who follow the sunny weather up and down the coast in motor coaches, and the RV communities offer all sorts of amenities and attractions. Imagine waking up in the morning to see giraffes out your window. Wow.

How are you feeling today? Keep posting.

Alice
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