sad.....but reality check
It had been 3 days now since I told AH he needed to leave. Today I spoke to him for the first time because he needs to come and get some things at the house. Making general conversations, I asked him he was staying with a friend of ours...he said I don't know, am I still? No apology, no nothing....does he really believe that I am just going to turn and say come home???? Really???? I suppose he probablly does, because in the past.....I let him treat me however he wanted, and the next day always pretended it was ok....but THIS TIME....it is NOT OK. I have all the name calling and degrading comments that I can take...3 days of not being call a B or anything else feels pretty good. It was funny I was talking to someone today about some things that happened and was explaining how horrible he was to me, and she was shocked....and I realized that somewhere to those of us who live in the world of someone who is an AH or verbally abusive, we begin to believe those types of behaviors are normal. I am feeling really sad at the loss of our relationship, and I feel guilty that he does not have a "home" to go to and is staying with a friend, but for the first time I am not feeling sorry for him in a way that it will change my mind about my decision. Sorry if I am rambling, but I am trying to make sense of what I am feeling as well. I wish I knew still though why he never feels the need to apologize.....ever.....and why he can speak to me and act like he did nothing wrong. I hurt for my children, but know that I would never allow my child to act the way he does or treat others the way he does. I KNOW I am putting them first here!