Here I am, day 7. It's been bust at work, with finals coming up. It seems to bring in droves of people who have apparently never used a library before, which is OK, just a lot of explaining. I'm patient, though, and some of these college kids are sorta cute, you could have worse scenery =P.
Tyler, thanks for relating your story. I was familiar with bits and pieces, but reading the whole thing like you laid it out was revealing. I have kept a tight lid on things as far as my family goes. It’s like I am spider-man, or something, and am keeping it a secret to protect Aunt May, if that makes sense. Not that my folks are
that delicate. But they are far away
physically, half-way across the country---and this takes it's toll. Hard to be as close on the phone, at least for me...not a huge phone-talker. I have a home phone, but hardly use it, and have no cell phone. I think maybe I have made 2 or 3 calls in a month, to anyone. Weird, nobody to call, mostly, or scared. But what’s odd is that I very much like to talk, and to be with people, and share stories, and hang out. I get lonely very easily, and crave companionship---almost achingly so. I find I am really more of an extrovert, after I had deluded myself into thinking introverts were cooler
This is a tricky thing…I often feel ‘starved’ for fulfilling human contact, and getting home at 12 or 1 AM definitely fuels this; the world seems to be made for those on a ‘day’ schedule, from business hours, to clubs, to meetings, to most everything. Someday, I will eventually get a different job and change this, but until that time, living in the present has been hard.
An odd thing with me is that I am OK with smoking weed on occasion, and find it very much helps with my TMJ jaw pain/insomnia, and is not something I crave on a daily basis. I used to smoke it on and off, but have not in many months/years due to cost/inability to find any. But not with booze. You can get it EVERYWHERE here, even diners, coffee shops...Baltimore seems to have issued liquor licenses to anyone who owns a business. And it's very hard for me to moderate. Thus, I'm making an ongoing effort to avoid it altogether.
When I have some cash again, I need to return to the aspect of pain management for my TMJ/neck/face/jaw issues. This very much gets ion my ability to think and function; makes it hard to sleep, concentrate, and be productive. I have taken Klonopin for this on and off, but have been off that now for over 2 months. I need to really consider some quality of life issues here, and find some kind of balance. Maybe medical marijuana is an option I have not considered; certainly,. it is less of a problem that resorting to opiates, or even benzos like Klonopin again. But I am going to do my best to just put up with the pain, as I can afford nothing else now...the danger here is that I tend to get frustrated, then break down and numb things with booze. Ug, this gets complicated.
Well, I am doing a little better.
I'll check back in soon, gotta get back to the front desk, but will read back more and respond more as well,
Thanks for asking how I have been doing to everyone, and hope you are all well.
H. Pup