View Single Post
Old 12-02-2009, 04:40 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
NewMe11109
The New Me starting 1/11/09
 
NewMe11109's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Hi Shawn -

First, Congrats on 60 days! That is great.

It actually took me 6 months of sobriety before I finished Step 1 and admitted that I was indeed powerless over alcohol and that I was an alcoholic.

I can't tell you whether you are alcoholic or not, but I love this simple test that I read about. It is from Caroline Knapp's book Drinking: A Love Story. I won't get it exactly right, but the message will be the same.

If you aren't an alcoholic, then stop drinking ... and you won't care. Non alcoholics do not find themselves awake at 2am wonding whether they are alcoholics.

So, based on your experiences, you might ask youself:
- Do non-alcoholics feel the need to join AA and SR?
- Do non-alcoholics experience black-outs (or brown-outs)?
- Do non-alcoholics crave alcohol and wonder how they will ever live without it?
- Do non-alcoholics create distinctions like "high-bottom" or "low-bottom" to self-justfy why drinking is ok?

I live with a normie (e.g. non-alcoholic). She will open a bottle of wine, have one glass, not even finish that glass, and then not touch the bottle again until it turns to vinegar.

If it were me, I would: (a) finish her unfinished glass and (b) finish the bottle before the night was even half-done (and I don't even like wine).

My point is that what you are feeling is normal (for an alcoholic). The little voices in our heads start to tell us that "hey, I wasn't really THAT bad. So, I probably over-reacted. I'm probably not an alcoholic."

All this does is lead to you justifying why you should be allowed to drink.

Only you can decide whether you are or not, but frankly, who cares?

Why do you really need alcohol?

Read the posts in the Friends and Families section of SR. Read about the people who were sober for many years and then took a drink and were drunk for the past few years.

One thing to remember is that alcohol is our solution to our underlying problems.

My problems were stress, anxiety, wanting to control everything, etc. So, using my sobriety, I have been able to work on those things -- and as a result, I don't feel the need to drink (to cover them up).

And the best part, I don't have to commit to not drinking for the rest of my life.

I am just deciding not to drink today. Tomorrow, I will re-evaluate.

Keep working on your recovery. Keep posting. Talk to your sponsor and keep going to AA.

And don't worry about us, you won't do any damage to us. We are responsible for our own actions and there is nothing that anyone can say that will drive me to drink.

Only I can drive me to drink.

Take care
NewMe11109 is offline