Originally Posted by Jersie

Hey All
Im lost.I never thought about myself as alcoholic,but im.I work 70 hrs a week in the small office,same people,same routine.Its killing me.I drink alone,only after work,usually i have my first drink at midnight while im on the web( i only drink while on the computer at night),my third drink ends up my night about 3 or 4 am with a great booze,then im ready to sleep.I drink about 60% of 75ml bottle of scotch on Sundays,Tuesdays,Wednesdays,Saturdays,those are days when i have to be at work afternoon,Mondays and Thursdays i try to go right to sleep and i usually do,cus i have to be up early to work.I dont get it,how one day i can get wasted and then other days i go to sleep cus i have to work early?I carry a lots of pain from my past,rape,sexual abuse,domestic violence,rejections,religious discrimination,all that happened in my childhood and my early teens.I calculate time all the time so i can get my boozed mood,i will not drink if i know i have to be up early,im also a cutter,skin picker,im very mean,i have no friends,i hate myself,i push away everyone who gets close to me.I dont know what to do with myself,lately all i do is cry,then i get mad at myself that i feel sorry for myself.I feel like im locked in the jar and cant get out!