Hi Jersie
A lot of us here had pretty stringent 'rules' about drinking that helped us kid ourselves we didn't really have a problem. A lot of us drank to self medicate against past events too, so you're not alone
It's so good you're wanting to face this now - I drank past all my rules and ended up an all day everyday drinker - it's not a good place to be.
Like Lenina said, you'll find a lot of help and support here, and the stickies posts at the top of the forum here and in the alcoholism forum make good reading to get you started with ideas on what to do next.
Welcome to SR Jersie
D