janitorking

substance abuse. usually when one thinks of the word 'abuse' and what it entails it's met with a desire to get as far away from it as possible and quickly. generally speaking, people who've been sexually or physically abused don't really have any immediate desire to be abused any longer. substance abuse is the only type of abuse that people (addicts) are drawn back to. personally, for me, alcohol actually supplied me with an identity. not exactly the identity i longed for growing up but still, an identity. although terrible, my alcohol abuse almost gave me a sense of purpose in a very sick way. you take it away from me and i feel as though i'm nothing more than a survival mechanism floating in and out of every day life attempting to resemble a 'normal' member of the human race. as an alcoholic i'm aware of how diseased my way of thinking can be. living a life without alcohol is very difficult. it's almost like someone cut off my right arm. obviously abstaining is the right thing to do but never in the history of doing the right thing has anything been so difficult. but then again, nobody ever said learning to live was easy.