Kindeyes

Detachment is hard for me. I can do it. But it's difficult to maintain it.

I am finding that the only way I can maintain detachment is separation from him. No contact. It seems that no matter now good I get at the act of detachment......it just makes him work harder to break me.....and eventually after constant attempts to break down that detachment, I do break. I come unglued.

It's almost like it has become a greater game for him. He knows (he's been through rehab) that I'm trying to detach with love. He knows exactly why I don't react when he "takes a run at me" with his crisis du jour. But he will use a battering ram.....until he breaks me. One can only sustain through those attacks for a while before being warn down......defenses are low....reserves are low.....and WHAM he gets the reaction he was after.

I've decided that I do best with no contact. I love my son but he's not good for me. And maybe I'm not good for him either. He still "takes runs at me" via text message or telephone messages but I find that I am able to better deal with it if it's not "live" action. And I've found that the best way I've been dealing with it is not to react at all. No response.

He leaves me messages that are meant to bait me into calling him back. I don't.

I didn't invite him to Thanksgiving dinner. He sent me a text that said "Thanks" later that evening. (Obviously meant to inspire guilt) It worked but he doesn't know that because I didn't call him back.

I recognize that I don't detach well from him. No contact is hard....really hard. I love him. But it's what is best for me.....and probably for him too.