From all of this (not just Boleo,... I've been thinking this for a few hours now) I'm learning that my initial problem as I imagined it is, in fact, the one I gotta fix first. I have to get a network of people around me, live support if you will, and then I am eligible for all the benefits of quitting drinking. I tried that for a couple years, it didn't work, decided (after sobering up, incidentally--when I had proof) to focus on sobriety because it felt good and from what I was reading, it sounded good in the future.
AA has been a disaster for me, often I think that the letdowns there outweigh all the rest of the benefits. At the end of the day, I am still alone... so alone.
I go to a meeting and I am just as alone.
I don't have a phone really, I mean I've had one, but most of the $25 I put on it have gone to waste trying to follow this program. I just got a call back, finally... asking me right after hello if she could call me back next week, something's going on. And me, gracious as ever.
I don't think I have what it takes to be in AA--desire to quit drinking is fine, for attending meetings, but you have to already be part of life to get a life is what I've learned hardest--and I've run out of ideas. I can't do it on my own, not even with "tools" and so on... the one thing I associate most with sobriety now is loneliness and that's hard to overcome when it's obvious.
I don't know what I'm going to do. Something has to give, but I said that in July too... and every time I reach out I'm not getting much back but promises. Thus is life, I suppose... guess I better learn to live it.
Take care y'all,
TB, not going anywhere really... nowhere to go.