All I can say Seekingpeace is...breathe
I know you're venting LOL.
It'll be ok - changing lives is like any other journey - it starts with a single step. Just stay focused on the not drinking part for now - let yourself grow into everything else...you'll know when the time is right to consciously deal with becoming who you want to be and dealing with the past, or whatever
"Sobriety is your number one priority, sweetheart!"
Right on
Little steps, small victories, one day at a time.
You can do this - I and lots of others did, and we're all here to help
D