Okay y'all, sorry. I was in a mood.
Sober is sure fun.
No, I don't think it would be a good idea to leave till Monday... I'd be gone... gone gone gone.
Tytan, that's one of my biggest problems right there. That and the Jim Bean, come to think of it. But one of my main problems is as soon as I put down the bottle and sober up some, I forget what it was like. And I have written it down, and of course I can remember it... I just don't. It's surreal, like another life.
Two Sundays ago I was ready to quit school. By Tuesday I was cleaned up and smiled up, and nobody believed I had a problem--part of the reason I felt the need to quit school. I'm strong enough, they tell me, I can get through this. Don't know if I can, but I did manage to establish that there is no outside help for me. Rehab won't take me, and it's getting to cold to take that walk to the AA meeting... come the rains, that will be nigh impossible.
I was hoping to get a sponsor before then, maybe she could drive me, but that's proving nigh impossible too. I have a long list and getting longer of names I collect at the meetings. I call them all each night, hoping for an answer. So far, nothing... This weekend I suppose I'll be trying again. I just can't help it. I can't let myself down, I'm the only one I got.
This holiday, I've been surprisingly down. Don't know where it's coming from, but I'm keeping it at bay as much as possible, and the rest of the time someone in chat usually slaps me upside the head, which is helpful. Been a long time since anyone told me anything.
Haven't really felt like drinking this time, which is good. Don't know how long this will last, but I'm not gonna argue with it. I get too fragile too often... Gonna enjoy the good times while they last.
And yes, this is what it's come to. The good times are merely the absence of pain... most pain. I'm ignoring a whole bunch right now, 'cause I can't do anything about it anymore. Like money and family. Nothing I can do, just gotta get numb by myself I suppose.
Take care y'all,
TB