Welcome, BeachAngel. littlefish & Taz have already said so many good & helpful things. I hope you'll stay here with us. You're well on your way when you can face the fact that you're dependent on alcohol to get you through your life. As already stated, it's a progressive disease. I know first hand what that means. I was once at the stage where you are now. I didn't see that alcohol was sucking the life out of me. I kept going. It robbed me of everything that was important in my life before I finally came to SR and got the support I needed.
I don't currently attend AA meetings, but have in the past when they were court-ordered. I never once stood up & said I was an alcoholic, & no one asked about my profession. It didn't seem like anyone noticed or cared. Meetings could be valuable help for you. By the sound of your post, you desperately need to unburden yourself and have a fresh start. Please share with us how you are doing. We care.