Muffinhead72

Hi! I'm a mom, wife etc. and this is day 16 for me. (again)

My question to you all (Longtimers esp.) Is Why are my feelings/moods so out of whack? I'm all over the place. Crying, Mad, Angry, Disapointed, Resentful, Lonely, sometimes...rarely...happy. I think this is why I always started back up. I feel like the sober me is worse than the drinking me. I was they type who drank at night, or with the girls, and everything was a celebration or reason to drink. Mostly, happy drinking. I was a nice/mellow drunk. Of Course, I always went to far. It hurts to feel all of the feelings all of the time and I am taking it out on my husband and kids...and myself. I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. Thanksgiving is this week. I'm hosting at my house. Family does not know and will question. I'm just really down and feel so alone. I'm going to a women's AA group today. Went 14 days ago and then missed a few due to weather and family issues. Also, there are MANY other things going on in our lives that are external negative forces put on us and it is compounding these feelings. Usually, a couple bottles of wine, vodka, rum....would ease the thoughts/pain. Now, I'm just running on feelings overload. How long until I can get these feelings more rational? I don't want to ruin Thanksgiving with my crazy feelings/outbursts right now.
Thanks! MH72