3. What do I think I will like about giving up my addiction?
List what good things you think/fantasize will happen when you stop your addiction.
a. This provides you with a list of goals to achieve and things to look forward to as a result of your new addiction free lifestyle.
b. This list also helps you to reality test your expectations. If they are unrealistic, they can lead to a disappointment based relapse.
Since I have already given up my addiction, I suppose that I can speak to what I like about being clean and sober. I'll also mention some things that I still look forward to.
I like being able to make commitments and follow through on them. My ability to do so during my active addiction was very limited. I didn't blow-off everyone. I'm fortunate that chemicals had yet to rob my of all of my humanity before I sought help. Honestly, I don't know how I'd be able to live with myself had been completely incapable of taking care of my dying grandmother after promising my grandfather that I'd look after her while he was on his death bed. Anyway, although I realize that slacking-off is an unfortunate character trait of mine, today I have developed the wherewithal to follow through on almost all promises I make. Along these same lines, I've also been able to stick to a fairly regular schedule.
I like being productive. I'm actually pursuing and producing what were literally pipe dreams at one time. Putting aside my addiction removed so many obstacles for me, many of which were unforeseen at the time I made the decision to do so. I've actually found meaningful employment. I work at a D&A rehab and the rewards I reap from this job are tremendous. I think its obvious that this doesn't happen had I continued on as an addict. I'm just about to wrap up a Master's degree and I have another one in mind when this is finished. I used to think that getting high somehow opened-up my mind and facilitated my learning and creativity. Perhaps it even did for a time. Even if it did, the days when this might have been the case were long gone. My thinking and the work that results from it are so much more on point these days. I'd never be at the point I'm at today had I continued to use.
There's a lot more I could go on about here. In essence, I love my sober life. I'll speak to this more in the final question but when I initially pondered the idea of sobriety I thought that life would be kind of dull from that point on. I knew it needed to be done but I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea. I couldn't have been more wrong. My personal relationships today are great. I have actual fun. The kind of fun I had as a kid, the real stuff.
As far as what I'm still looking forward to, one thing is the progression of my career in the addiction studies/treatment field. I never thought I'd like my job. I hoped that I would but it seemed an unrealistic goal. I'm still fairly green but this feels so right. I have to check my desires to get ahead of myself but at the same time I have some lofty expectations. I only have them because I feel strong in my recovery and I finally have back the self-confidence that addiction stole from me.
I look forward to resolving my financial situation. As I guess so many alcoholics and addicts have done before me, I've created a nice little financial mess over my years of using. This isn't going to be easy but it finally seems possible. It won't be over night but I can finally start thinking about owning my own home and being financially secure enough to start a family. That's another thing in itself. I'm looking forward to having some children with my wonderful wife. She has made it clear in no uncertain terms that if go back out not only will she not raise a family with me, she is out too. Knowing this keeps it real for me. But even if she didn't lay out this ultimatum, I know that I wouldn't be anything close to a good father if I was using. If I stay on track, I know that I'll do great.
I guess that's enough. I'm also looking forward to doing some things musically and maybe even doing some creative writing but what I've mentioned thus far are the major goals. Everyday I try to check my expectations. Sometimes I'm ambitious but I believe that I'm not setting myself up for failure.
Again, thanks for reading and, again, questions, comments and concerns are all appreciated.