Asta, those first weeks are the toughest. I felt down for the first couple weeks then for a while I'd fall off the wagon around 6 weeks. You're doing great at 15 days. You hit the nail on the head, I felt like I'd lost an old friend every time I gave up a substance. I guess I had to grieve.
I don't know if I had a breakthrough exactly but it's been so long since I had a normal social life it felt really good. The girls I saw tonight know about my substance problems but it just doesn't come up as a topic. At some point one of them always asks how I am doing and I say I am doing well and that's all the discussion. I can tell they want to ask more but don't want to press me too much. I tend to email them little bits anyway. It's so awkward face to face. Driving home was strange because I had to drive through the neighborhood where my old dope dealer lives and then right past the store where I bought pipes (it still disturbs me that they sell meth pipes in about 75% of the convenience stores here. Even at the worst part of my use it disturbed me). But I wasn't tempted. Mind you, I feel that little pull every day, I fight wanting to do dope every day of my life. But at last I am able to separate the vague craving from the action. Just because I sorta want to do drugs again doesn't mean I am going to buy drugs. It's like a diet of the mind.
Hmm. 3:30. Better get some sleep.