I'm new to this site, but have been reading other posts and looking for help and guidance on here.
I have learned from this site that I am a codependent. I never even knew what that word meant or that it was ME! But I know now and I'm reading Codependent No more and it has helped.
Anyway...I have been dating someone for a year. We moved in together 3 months ago when he supposedly quit using METH and wanted to start a life with me. Well the first 2 months were GREAT! We were so happy...at least I thought we were. Maybe he truly was not. He started using again a month ago. It has torn me apart from the inside. I can't stand it and I don't want to live with it...
I have been angry, sad, depressed and everything in between in the past month. Had my first major panic attack 3 days after he started and ended up in the ER. I am NUMB now and don't really care or feel anything about him anymore. That is what is so sad, because you hear them saying they love you, but you (or at least me) can't love them back all because of the DRUG and what it does to them and your life.
I have asked him to leave 3 times and he always sweet talks himself into not leaving or whatever. I came home tonight from work and was hoping he was not even here. Friday nights are his usual "gotta go get more stuff night". Well...he did he left to get some more stuff. Little does he know that I will be telling him to leave AGAIN tomorrow but more serious this time and a timeline of when to be out.
I can't live like this and WILL not live like this. It is so hard though when they sweet talk you or tell you they will quit or tell you if you were more understanding it would be easier to quit...its a vicious cycle and a cycle that I'm getting off of NOW....Thanks to everyone on here that has helped me SEE and open my eyes!!!
Thanks for listening...I just needed to VENT and tell my story