Do you think we haven't been exactly where you are? I remember asking people why they put up with me when I ignored help and kept getting drunk. They said "becuase this is what drunks do." You'll be on the other side one day, telling some poor sad drunk that you love them no matter what, and they are going to wonder "why?"
Like my old therapist used to say "I love you, but I hate your disease."
*HUG*