Originally Posted by
Tytan 
So… deep question… I know you’re in your rediscover stage… but is there anything you’ve ever wanted to do with your life? And interest that you’ve never explored? When you’re in your dark place… is there ever something that something that pops up like a ray of light that makes you thing, “huh… well that would be nice.”
Anyway, that was just a random question that popped in my head when reading your post.
Glad to hear you’re doing okay.
There used to be...I had a bucket list...but today, no, truly there are none. It's so weird...like those things were part of this persona I had...and today I really don't feel attached at all.
Today after my meeting I took the 'WTF" letters off my backwindow, and all the little characters and quotes I had on my dashboard...felt like they were from another lifetime, like I they fit sober me at all.
So I took them all down and tossed them. No anger, no sense of loss, just as if they'd been left behind by some previous owner of the vehicle and weren't needed anymore.
I guess all I need to think about today is staying clean and getting sober. A week ahead is too far to look, let alone months or years ahead. I guess it's too soon.
Part of this may be fueled by my physical condition as well. I recently had surgery and there is going to be a long recovery period. I am still off my feet most of the time, can do only limited driving, etc...so putting energy into anything other than recovery is really not an option.
I'm just taking it hour by hour.
I mean, this is pretty deep...like I even decided to alter the way I write my name, because I used to go back and cross my t by taking the upswing of the last letter and slashing back through my name, a sort of self destructive violent move. I thought that doesn't work anymore, that's not who I am...