Originally Posted by
Mariposa18 
Hello Everyone~ I'm 11 months sober and I'm having some issues. I've found myself for the past few months on/off trying to rationalize a drink. I've gone from feeling fantastic some days, to thinking "what's the use" others. My emotions are all over the place and I find myself angry and resentful a lot.
Please be so proud of what you have achieved, I know its hard but seriously keep thinking positive thoughts, focus on you, the beautiful person!
I've been thinking I finally need to take that step and try therapy or meeting. Both scare me to death. I almost went to a meeting tonight but the thought of walking into the room made me sick to my stomach. Friday night I went out with Hubby and some Friends, they were drinking and I was asked why I wasn't. I simply answered "I don't drink anymore" of course the inevitable "Why" followed. So I try to say I would over do it, blah blah blah. To which "Oh but once in a while won't hurt you!" Okay, I couldn't for the life of me say "I'm a recovering alcoholic, so I no longer drink" Even typing it bothers me. Thinking of saying it out loud even to someone I trust made me feel ashamed. Yes, I still feel that when I think of the label "alcoholic"
You have nothing to be ashamed of - the first meeting will be the scarest, it will get better, please do what your heart tells you, you dont have to explain anything to anyone hun
I don't know what my point is, I know it doesn't even sound like I have one. I just know I'm feeling bad and if I don't do something to deal with these feelings I'm heading to a relapse, which I DO NOT WANT!!!!! As much as I have tried to convince myself I'd be okay to drink again, I know deep down if I pick up I won't be. I know I will start destructing all over again and I know it will be bad. But right now being sober just feels like being sober, not being happy or feeling good. I thought after this amount of time it would get easier, but it seems the closer I get to my 1 year sober the more I want to throw it all away.
You have come so far now, keep talking to yourself, it is a life journey, you realize the outcome if you do, stay strong hun
I hope I made sense, I guess I really just need to talk to someone who understands...