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Old 11-18-2009, 12:57 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
CrackQuack
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
Want to be truly happy? Have a **** ton of cash to throw away? Make a crackhead's (who doesn't smoke crack anymore)day and donate to a worthy cause. Donate to a charity or heck, donate to the charity of ME! I need new clothes, supplies for my measly business (wanna be business partners???), food, and be able to pay my bills without sweating my bank account and having it go under, again! That happened a few weeks ago, and gosh I felt like using. I missed a 16 dollar charge and a 20 dollar one and each one cost me 33 bucks. With a 100 dollar a week paycheck, you can bet that HURT ME! So donate to me! LOLOL..
All kidding aside, donate some money to a local charity. Habitat for humanity, animal shelter, child organization, church, feeding the hungry, etc. And of course, I won't say no if you want to help out a recovering crackhead with two kids and elderly mother to care for.
I am sorry to say, I think money is a trigger for you. Seriously. When I had cash, in early recovery, I was just plotting ways to spend it on crack. I'd buy my crack and my ex's crack just so I'd have someone to smoke it with. Yes, misery loves company.
However, I am so poor I cannot afford to pay attention these days and I am actually happier. I've found a wonderful man, I've got a job (hey, in this economy, that's really something! ), and I've got opportunity and a future. That's the brightest part. Yeah, when my account went under, I felt like using. But I took steps to prevent me from doing so. I picked up the phone and called people, told on my addiction. I dropped off my cash, bank card, and phone with my boyfriend.
I think a good start would be to put someone you trust, completely, in control of your money. When I still had a little bit of money, someone else was in charge of it. I had to provide receipts for anything I spent. I was NOT allowed to have cash, period. The bank card was given to me in order to get what I needed (gas, cigs, hair supplies, kids stuff), get the receipt, and give it back. If I was gone longer than expected, the money keeper was blowing up my phone or hunting me down. I had no avenue to sneak around and get crack, other than to either steal or sell myself for it, neither of which I was willing to do (any longer- for the stealing part, had not gotten to selling myself). It might be something you can look into. Or maybe asking your bank to set a daily spending limit... Something like 50 bucks. IDK.
Something needs to change in your life, and if you're willing to blow cash on drugs (alcohol is a drug), and you're still not happy, something better to do would be to help someone in need. That will make YOU feel good and help someone else feel better.
My ex has plenty of money. Millions in a trustfund. He smokes crack, meth, and shoots heroin, EVERY DAY. Drinks sometimes. Never had a real relationship. He can't handle a good woman. The ONLY good woman he ever had (yeah, that's me) he had to drive to his own level. He offered crack to me numerous times before I finally took the bait and quickly fell to his level. I've seen him, twice, since we parted ways and talked to mutual friends. They say he is, literally, crashing. Dying right before their eyes and he cannot find happiness. He cannot find peace. He spends that money, and the money he gets from his women (hookers) on drugs.
What will it take for you to find peace? Death? Life without being drunk or high? Let us help you. You have to want it for yourself, but let others reach out and help you. I like the idea of rehab. It will give you some time to yourself without temptation.
Don't die. Don't just go to a house. Get home. Your friends and/or family are there waiting for you, at home. Sell that piece of junk. It's nothing anyway. Get to the rehab. Get to meetings. Get a smaller home, cozy it up, and get clean and sober. We're here for you. We'll root for you.
Hey, if a crackhead can stay away from crack for nearly 10 months, you can do it!!! LOL. Just a little more of my wacky humor. Too much caffiene.. But seriously, YOU CAN DO IT!!!
We love you and we don't want you to die.
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