The truth is......
Ya see, I have enough money to be the life of the party, I can buy friends for whatever night I am without them really.
It's killing me.
It doesn't matter to the people I drink with, I can buy all night.
It doesn't matter to the bar owner, my tabs are always paid in good standing.
Money, in alot of ways makes me as sick as my drinking does. It's hard for me to equate the two. When I'm doing well financially, well, in my mind I'm doing well, so I tend to just go all holds barred and get crazy. I entrap others to join me, I buy even when they've had enough, as if their presence will help alleviate the pain I feel inside. It doesn't work. So I come home, to a nice, big house and I'm lost again. It's not a home, it's just a nice big house, that I die in every day.
So, is there an answer, quite frankly, I don't know.
I tried AA, and even went there today, but ended up drunk tonight. What's wrong? I wish I knew.