I woke up this morning and thought...ok what do I have to do today to get my life back...then realized I don't want my life back. I was acting crazy desperate, doing anything to try to hang onto that idea of who I was and what my life was...but now, sober. I realize that none of it was worth it.
So, here I am sober...with no clue what it is I want or who I am, and it's such a huge relief I can't even tell you. I don't have to fight to save that person I didn't even like. I just have to work recovery and I trust that as I go, something and someone will emerge. It had better, because I have no interest in being who I was before.
I feel sort of calm and numb and weird, but it's OK...at least for today. I got me to another meeting, may hit one this evening...and found a recovery site for people with my spiritual backround...and talked about my recovery with two of my siblings.
I don't want to ever have to be that other me again. Not that she was terrible, she was just so darn high maintenance