View Single Post
Old 11-17-2009, 02:00 PM
  # 185 (permalink)  
Threshold
Grateful to be free
 
Threshold's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I woke up this morning and thought...ok what do I have to do today to get my life back...then realized I don't want my life back. I was acting crazy desperate, doing anything to try to hang onto that idea of who I was and what my life was...but now, sober. I realize that none of it was worth it.

So, here I am sober...with no clue what it is I want or who I am, and it's such a huge relief I can't even tell you. I don't have to fight to save that person I didn't even like. I just have to work recovery and I trust that as I go, something and someone will emerge. It had better, because I have no interest in being who I was before.

I feel sort of calm and numb and weird, but it's OK...at least for today. I got me to another meeting, may hit one this evening...and found a recovery site for people with my spiritual backround...and talked about my recovery with two of my siblings.

I don't want to ever have to be that other me again. Not that she was terrible, she was just so darn high maintenance
Threshold is offline