(((((Trish))))) My stomach was turning reading your post, I know exactly how you are feeling. For me, when I finally went to the health department for a referral to a rehab facility, I was so tired...SO tired, I wasn't even scared to go. I was so beaten down morally, physically and mentally, I figured that if I was still alive, I might as well learn to live again. Then I went, it was a 90 day inpatient treatment, I stayed a year and a half. I worked as a moniotor after I completed for my room and food, and I got $150 a month to spend. I kept up with outpatient groups, but lived at the facility. I had to go "all in" or fail.
Not long after I moved out of the treatment facility, I was at an open talk, the person speaking said something that has stuck with me to this day. I refer to it often, quite simply, they said.
"When the pain of our situation, becomes worse than our fear of change, then we will change."
Trish, is the pain worse than the fear yet? If the answer is yes, then it is time to change. Life will NEVER get better while we still use, even a little bit.
I am pulling for you, I really am. I have learned a lot from you since I joined SR, I hope in some small way, I can help you too!
Cathy