I just all of a sudden got this calm that has come over me.
My worries about a job and a vehicle have lessened.
My regrets are fading.
I just want to do this and make it stick.
But at the same time a tremendous fear has come on. Thinking about going away. Having to start over again and really seriously tackle this thing at all cost. I dont think I have ever fully done that yet.
Its like I am as low as I can go and now I have no choice but to start from the lowest bottom and try my best to rebuild. Not from my pride and ego this time. But from nothing. Not with all these ideas of how I am going to do it. But going right into the unknown and putting my trust in all that I have avoisded for so many years. Trusting that what others have done and what they will tell em to do will work. Letting go of my control. But I lost that a long time ago anyway.
Its hard to trust anyone when you feel like you dont get it.
But I will be open minded and willing to learn and try.
That is the only option left.