At my monday meeting a guy broke down and said he ruined everything. He has been in and out of the rooms of AA for about 3 years. He goes for about 6 months and then loses it. He had a pretty bad relapse and missed an important business trip and crashed his car. He was heartbroken and felt utterly defeated.
But, another guy in the room said he was in and out of AA for five years and couldn't seem to get it right. But he did get it right one day and now he is sober 11 years. I know alcohol is not your doc but I think the mental obsession and addiction patterns are pretty similar.
There are success stories in every room of NA and AA and here on SR: keep trying, don't give up!
But you might be right: you have been trying to do it alone, if I am correct. Maybe it is time to find love, support and structure with a program?
There is a lot of love and support in the rooms.