Thanks again Dee for your reply. Thanks also to you Found for bothering to construct a well thought out reply.
You see deep down I know that your right Dee. I know it but that ain't to say that its easy. My thinking goes from relative clarity to desparate and "rabbit caught in the headlight" type panic (or whatever the saying is "!haha) very quickly.
I know too drink again would resolve nothing and would be conceding defeat to alcohol. but at the same time it somewhat pains me to think it has gone... i guess thats only natural though. Man "normal" people dont know what an absolute mind-f*ck all this sobriety lark is !haha.
Thanks for listening to my whining... xxxx