hello neo,you asked the question would i honestly have liked to have been sober at 23.well no,becuase i wouldnt be the person i am today.however if i had got sober at 23 i would have missed out on several arrests,bankruptcy,abortion,getting with men that i let beat me up because my life was completely unmanagable.losing my daughter because alcohol BECAME the most important thing in my life,indeed it became a necessity and i didnt even want to drink in the end,just had to.a stint in a phsyc ward.shaving all my hair off and slashing all my arms and legs.running away from my hometown.loss of several jobs or leaving them before i got caught out.the hangovers that were so horrific,dry heaving or indeed being sick,the drink i was forcing down my neck to get rid of the hangover meeting the stuff coming back up.diahriah,promiscuity.paranoia.anxiety,panic attacks.sweats.complete lack of reality.arguments,violence,lies,cheating,stealing. shall i go on or do you get the general idea? you have conceded you are alcoholic,what in the heck make you think it is going to get any better? maybe just maybe it might be the obsession that you have that is not been treated that one day you will be able to drink like other men.i am not going to wish you well whatever you decide to do,because in my experience in never ever ends well.but i will pray for you.this post is not meant to sound condesending and i apoligise if it does.but at the end of the day it is life and death we are talking about.i told myself all throughout my 20s when i did alot of party drugs too that i was having a good time.and there was a few occasions,but it was when i got sober and did and inventory and cleared the wreckage of my past i saw how deeply tragic it all was.there is a difference to being sober and just not drinking,and we have to work for it.i started by minding my own business about what others had or didnt have,it didnt matter,however what did was my life,and i mean real life.i see the good in the most what you call "mundane" things these days.its how you percieve things.and believe you me,an untreated alcoholic mind will tell you all the bull in the world to get you to drink.your head is lying to you.