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Old 11-13-2009, 05:49 PM
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gneiss
Never settle.
 
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Hurting myself to punish others

I feel like people stress me out more than just about anything. And when that happens I want a beer. It's actually been a hundred times easier to stay off dope; I can't buy dope at the grocery store.

But basically when I get mad at someone, I want to drink. It's like my punishment for them: I'll show them! I will have a great time even if that guy's being a jerk! Pass me a beer!

It's ridiculous. All it does is hurt me, set me back. So now I wonder why I'm hell-bent on hurting myself. All I really want is to be happy, so why do I consistently do things that make me miserable? Yeah, I sure showed them how much fun a hangover and vomiting all day is. Take that!

I don't even know if that makes sense. I read a book somewhere and a character was described as wishing for his own destruction but lacking the necessary moral fiber to support a full-blown death wish. Sometimes I feel like that. Not that I'm suicidal, I just take opportunities away from myself.
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