Well folks… my quite date was 11/11, 1:00am and I am quickly coming to an end of day two, so I haven’t quiet started to feel the “burn” yet. This is my first time quitting… except for a 20 day period about 8 years ago (just to prove to myself it wasn’t a problem), I probably haven’t gone more than two or three days without a drink over the past 14 years. So, we shall see.
At this point, I am just trying to keep my family together. I’ve been an angry drunk, a happy drunk, a slutty drunk, a funny drunk… now… I’m just a drunk… and an over-sharer… so I don’t really plan on holding back, I assume the longer I hold back the longer getting to the root of my problems will be.
Anyway, I am here today because I made the pen-ultimate mistake. I’ve betrayed my family. While visiting my home town without my family for a week, it culminated in a night where I consumed two large portions of sake, about 8 beers (which came very large two pint glasses), and a glass of absinth “just for fun”. Where it landed me was in bed with an ex-girlfriend who I hadn’t seen in about 7 years.
Devastation.
My wife is seven months pregnant with our second child… our first is 4 years.
I’ve never cheated before… why now?
My wife knows. About a week after I got back from my trip she started asking some very pointed questions. After trying to dodge a couple times I gave up and came clean… got ripped… and then woke up yesterday morning with a ragging hangover. I laid in bed until 3pm… and realized that every bad and hurtful thing I have ever done had happened while I was drinking. So it’s time to stop.
As of right now my wife hasn’t left. She is not happy, but she is still here. I haven’t figured out why. And that doesn’t mean she won’t be gone tomorrow. We’re talking about it… she’s asked me to be tested for STDs… and trust me… you never want to be in a position where your wife is asking if you wore a condom or pulled out.
Devastation.
All I know is this. My boys are the best thing I have ever done with my life. The idea of living the rest of mine without them kills me… yet two weeks ago I betrayed them. I have a new found appreciation for my family… the sheer fact they are here when I wake up and when I get home from work is a miracle.
I am here because I need to do right by my family. My wife didn’t tell me to stop drinking or she would leave. I’m here because I now know the root of my troubles… and if I don’t take control of the drinking… I’m never going to be the man that I know I can be.
-Tytan