SixMonthsToday
Six months ago today I logged onto this site for the first time. I'd been drinking too much, and I was becoming increasingly worried that my use of alcohol was accelerating. Thanks to a lot of help and tough love here on SR, I got through that first month and have remained sober since then. Have not worked steps or been to an AA meeting, but I promised myself that I will not consider taking a drink again before going to a meeting. I am holding myself to that.
My whole personal "culture" of drinking has become increasingly vague as the weeks pass. Really doesn't even interest me any more. That said, I still get physical urges at times and I can't say I'm comfortable yet in social scenarios with other couples where everyone else is drinking but me. Frankly, my own personal stubbornness and perhaps even a touch of arrogance gets me through those situations. To hell with what anyone thinks about me not drinking...
Feeling blue lately because of a milestone age approaching. Would be easy to submerge myself in a six-pack to help forget about the wasted years, but then I remind myself of a key learning from SR: Alcohol always makes problems worse. It never helps. Plus, since a six-pack of decent beer costs about $10 (at least) these days, it's nice saving that money for something worthwhile – something that won't kill me.
I haven't been posting as much as I should, and I feel bad for not helping newcomers to SR as much as others as have helped me. I'll be totally honest: Reading some of the stories of people falling off the wagon sometimes creates doubt about my own sobriety, and that scares me a little. That sounds terribly selfish, but it's true. Maybe someone else here has dealt with that...
I have a really big challenge coming over the holidays. Don't want to dwell on it now -- on what I consider a happy milestone day -- but will post about it as it approaches.
Thank you everyone who has helped me through this first six months of sobriety. I'm up to almost 16 million sober heartbeats thanks to you!