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Old 11-11-2009, 08:36 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
kittykitty
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
I, for one, have the exact problem you guys are speaking of. I can't let ANYONE do anything for me, without the terror of imagining what they might want in return. I end up feeling so obligated to the person, I've actually lost friendships because I have confronted people about their "intentions" and how it is just wrong for anyone to want to do things for other people without anything in return.

I wish I could stop feeling this way, it's gotten to the point where I have even convinced my boyfriend that a long time friend of his is a threat to us because of how nice she is to him. Nevermind that she does it for everyone, I am so focused on what she will someday ask for in return from him that I have convinced myself and him that she is evil. What is the matter with me?

I never would have thought this aspect of my personality had anything to do with being raised by an AF, and I still can't pinpoint what part of my relationship with him encouraged these feelings, like it is supposed to be as easy as "yeah I remember that time he sat me down and told me, no one does anything without something in return". Of course that never happened. I just know when I read these types of posts, I find myself saying 'oh my god, that's me they are talking about...'

All I know is it's a great way to loose some potential 'quality people' in your life. The people that are kind and giving 'just because' are the kind of people we need in our lives. The worst part is, we find ourselves accepting those 'other' kind of people, the ones that _always_ want something in return, and those are usually the ones we need to stay away from most.
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