relapse
15 days....then it got me. I don't know if i will ever recover. i went to my first aa meeting when i was 18 (dui #1).. dui#2,dui#3 jail, scares on my face...then 26, then 30,31,32 etc. i'm 45 now and i don't want to live like this any more. i'm afraid to trust anyone, i have always gotten burned, i have no close friends and i live alone. i like being alone that's not a problem. the problem is the obsession in my mind of alcohol. it is driving me crazy and it is killing me. if i continue to live this way i'm not really living at all. i feel hopeless..if it wasn't for my animals i would be ready to say goodbye to this world. i fight this demon and i am losing, i hate alcohol...i am so angry that it is everywhere, on tv in every store, everyone at work talks about it like it is so wonderful and i just laugh and inside i want to scream. the last 15 days each day i was sober i looked back a year as if i was deleting that year and every year has been a mess i realized. i feel like i am truly being stalked by evil (alcohol)...what am i going to do...where do i find the strength..i mean i need an army. thank you for listening, if you have an advice please respond.