This is a very big red flag for you!
Why the aversion to therapy (excuse the pun) or meetings? is it just that you are scared? If so i was the same before going to a counselor, but in the end i had to...and then i went to AA and love it:-) I remember going to a meeting at the beginning of the year, i absolutely hated it, stared at the table the whole time, they handed round this laminated A4 which they read at the beginning of every meeting (How it works), i was told you don't have to read and can pass it on but a lady i knew was there and, whilst i was staring at it, coughed whilst saying 6 (as in read step 6)...so i did quickly and passed it on...then, at the end, they said the serenity prayer whilst holding hands tound the group, wasn't used to that at all (i mean c'mon by the time i had gone there i didn't want people looking at me, let alone touching me?!) and the guy to my left who had been sober about 20 yrs squeezed my hand at the end of it to try and encourage me. Then we all went for coffee and i proceeded to launch into a soliloquy on how i was such a great guy and how serious i was about going to AA...never went back and things got loads worse! Oh yeah, there was this pretty young american girl there too from AA, at the coffee shop and she tried to grab my attention by waving from across the room so i pretended i could not see and stared off into space...man i was ashamed and scared, bit like a rabbit trapped in the headlights...
Ok that was in April, i had just started drinking again after 5 months abstinance (you should be scared about picking up the drink again by the way because i guarantee it will be worse than before...maybe from day 1 maybe a month later...whatever!), fast forward to July! Found a guy counselor, best thing i ever did, CBT style...not that into AA to be honest...after 5 sessions he says to me im not prepared to see you if you keep drinking (seriously!)...threw me for 6! So back to AA, straight in the doors this time, in my mind, i'm in real trouble and got a sponsor, accepted all the help that they offered and worked the steps real thorough like:-)
The 5 months not drinking, and i did a year once, were ok for the first x months as it was sooooo much better than it was when i was drinking but there came a point where i became disenchanted with not drinking and it was just a matter of time...i hadn't changed a single thing apart from stop drinking, i mean inside of myself...sure in the year i did, i started to take my privates pilot licence, got a new job, new partner, new car, took my motorcycle licence, started kickboxing lessons, went to the gym, took up new hobbiess...but i still had the crap inside from before...so i drank, i remember when it was on the night of my first official belt in kickboxing and i was so nervous and excited i thought getting a bottle of wine would be a good idea....i got to sleep and 4am and flunked the practical...within a few months i was running away to another country lol, seriously!
Going to AA and working the steps showed me who i was and gave me the opportunity to start again with a clean sheet, it gave me a chance at living without the anger and resentments which would always lead me back to drinking eventually!
Anyways long post, if it helps great, if not that's cool too...AA does not hold the monolopoly on getting sober but you do need to find a way very soon...i still see my counselor btw he is a top guy and i am very lucky to have him!
Just remember there is a huge difference between not drinking and being sober, which, i hope, should give you a little hope in your situation;-)