Well, today is a better day in terms of my emotions. Not sure why & wish I knew so that I could repeat whatever it is I'm doing or that happened to cause it.
I'm going to suck it up and talk to some former co-workers this week to see if they have any input on job leads. I know my unemployed status is playing hell with my feelings of self-worth, which isn't helping with anything else going on in my head. I've never had such a difficult time finding another job, but I've also never lived during a recession before, either. I wish I could at least find someone to let me do some writing/editing on the side - any money would be a huge help, not to mention the emotional boost I'd get from feeling needed.
If I can't find employment, I have to give up school for now. I don't want to do that. I have worked so hard this semester to make good grades and my classes are a part of life I truly ENJOY right now. The prospect of ending that scares me.
I've been putting off some really major decisions for a long time now, but my time is running out. I'm only hurting others by doing so, and that's selfish. I wish I had a way to solve problems that wouldn't involve hurting someone - even myself. But if someone has to hurt, I wish I could take all of their pain for them. It truly breaks my heart to cause any sort of pain - I cry at night when I lay in bed and think about it. I wish I could find that magical solution that would fix everything. A little stupid to wish for, I know.
Off to finish a test. Hope anyone who sees this is having a peaceful weekend.