My mom is coming over to watch the boys tonight. I am going out. I told her I am having dinner with friends (i am sure she is over there now worrying if I'll have a drink) but I am going to a meeting. My 3rd meeting but this one is for beginners. Having a cup of coffee now (I drink so much more coffee these days) and kinda looking forward to a night out.
I want to tell her when I come home. It will be just the two of us without any children interrupting. My Dad will be across the street. I hope I get up the nerve...I have been going through it in my mind all day. I have no idea what is holding me back except my own resistance to accepting the truth. I am an alcoholic but I still have moments when I don't believe it. If I say it I will never be able to take it back. She too will start to think about the past and make the connections. She will believe me and that will be it. I will be Joanne the alcoholic who cannot drink ever. That scares the crap out of me but I don't have a choice in the matter. It is do or die time and I pray I have the strength tonight to come clean.
I say pray because todays meeting was about step 11. Today is my Day 11. My birthday is 11/11. Another sign. Today I started to pray...the right way.
Jo