5 months. Balance is good.
A few months ago i didn't know what balance was. Moderation was a mystery to me. As any good alcoholic/addict it was all or nothing. Not just with drugs and alcohol either. When i got money i got in over my head. When i got success i got in over my head. When i got into my hobby, cars, i got in over my head. When i started my business i got in over my head. I was so obsessed with finding my nirvana anywhere and everywhere except inside myself, i was simply chasing one empty, unsatisfying thing after another. I was so obsessed with keeping up appearances and comparing my insides to everybody's outsides i completely lost me. Once i finally let go of everything i "thought" was important and became willing to accept that those things are not what it's all about something amazing happened. Life simplified itself. Things righted themselves. Balance came to me. Moderation became attainable. I am now deeply grateful for things that a few months ago i took for granted. I'm employable, and more importantly, employed. I'm housed, i'm fed, i'm, dare i say, happy. If anyone would have told me a few months ago i would be happy and grateful for a job as a janitor, working second shift, swinging a mop and cleaning up after others i would have asked you for 2 of whatever you were taking. Balance today is simply getting up, hitting my knees, enjoying feeling good, going to work, coming home and hitting my knees again for thanks. I no longer obsess over what others think of me. I no longer obsess about trying to be the cool guy. I no longer obsess about the next high or drunk. I know longer obsess about what's gonna happen tomorrow or next week, or next month, or next year. I do what i need to today and everything else just balances out. :praying