That smarts
Hi.
I'm in recovery from multiple addictions.
A year ago a man began to pursue me for a relationship. I found out he was a recovering addict. At that time I'd danced around with my addictions, but had not decided to become sober.
This man is/was very dedicated to the 12 steps.
I came to love him very very deeply.
I began a serious recovery program (not 12 step)
That man and I became involved in what I believed was an honest intimate relationship. Then, he stopped talking to me.
I found out, over the past few weeks that he had been somewhat less than honest with me...and that added insult to the pain and heartbreak of losing the relationship to begin with.
It's really hard for me to understand how someone as dedicated to the steps as he is, as genuinely grateful to them as he is, etc..could have played so dishonestly with me.
I have chosen, and continue to choose daily and several times daily to NOT let the pain and loss and insult of his actions sabatoge my own recovery.
I have chosen and continue to choose daily and several times daily to NOT let the pain, loss and insult of his actions poison myself against 12 step programs.
We each of us are responsible only for our own behavior and choices, and for our own behavior and recovery.
This experience has been one of the most painful of my life, and one of the most eye opening.
I find myself asking "how does he expect to maintain recovery when..." and stop myself...that is HIS issue, not mine.
Working MY program will help me make appropriate choices for myself today and for the rest of my life, including in relationships I will enter into...it's hard to even think about that, about loving again, trusting again.
Had this happened before I found recovery, I'd have used it as an excuse to use/abuse and indulge in every pathetic behavior I was prone to, but not today. Today, it makes me that much more dedicated to my own recovery so I can make better choices for myself AND my future partners.
Had this happened before I found recovery I'd have used it as proof of what a big lie 12 steps are, etc.
But now I know better, I know that I can use this to boost me instead of to bash me. I can let go of it, realize that his choice is all about him. NOT about me and take care of myself instead of paralyzing myself into place with substances.
THAT is what sobriety has done for me.
I am going through one of the most painful losses in my life...sober...even though the issue of addiction and recovery are all over this situation, I am making it through. I refuse to lose what I've gained over someone else's issue with their program.
wow...
I really hurt and I can use all the spare hugs you have, but wow...I really wanted to share that