Welcome to SR and yes you can stop. You don't have to live like that anymore. You have decide on a recovery program. You mentioned you tried detoxing at a hospital but you didn't stay with it because you were crying. You will cry and it won't be easy, but isn't anything better then what you are experiencing now? It was for me. Don't despair, but do find a definite form of recovery. You can go to meetings. There is AA, NA, Smartrecovery, Salvation Army has programs, but I would recommend talking to a doctor and being very honest about what you are doing. The secret is killing you. People shouldn't look down on you because you are trying to get well. You can do i hon, but you have to want it more then you want to use. Sobriety rocks!