thanks for the support
I went to AA for alot of those six months and then stopped going. Got kind of burned out on the sad stories. Left feeling depressed and sad for everybody. I was also concerned about anonymity given my job.
I started drinking again at an annual convention. Everyone was partying and I thought why not. I only had one but it started the cycle again and I bought my favorite drink and started having a few every night after work.
I guess I considered myself pretty functional. Got promotions, always went to work etc... but I would wake up feeling heavy headed and also worried about what long term effects this was having.
I didn't feel like I was doing the right thing but it helped with the anxiety I felt with the load I was carrying.
Dealing with that (the anxiety ) is the hard part of staying off alcohol for me.