Welcome to SR sacraria, now this is just a suggestion, but one that worked for me, check out some AA meetings, see if after 9 or 10 of them sober you do not start to feel like you fit in and that the folks there can really relate to what is going on for you.
I drank like you speak of about 10 years before I quit, the last 5 years of my drinking I do not think I drew a sober breath.
I can tell you that it is a fact that alcoholism is progressive, it always gets worse with every drink, it never levels off nor better................. always WORSE.