Thread: scared
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Old 11-04-2009, 05:51 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 38
I'm only on Day 2 this go around, but a few years ago, I made it 8 months. When I felt the way you feel, I would seriously just lay in bed and kick and scream and cry. I live alone so that was easy. In doing that, though, after 30 seconds or a minute or sometimes 15 minutes or an hour, I'd be all flailed out. No energy left. And I'd realize how ridiculous I must look all because I couldn't put a beverage in my mouth.

It's a rough road. I ultimately caved after that stint (the longest I've gone in 18 years) because I have a really difficult time dealing with romantic conflict, and one night after a fight with my then-boyfriend, I just said "F*** it." and drank. That conflict was sooo not worth the last two years I've spent standing still in a bottle of alcohol. That night that I drank, I said, "Just tonight. Let me drink this tonight to feel better (which actually means to feel nothing), and I'll never do it again." I really thought I meant it. But the next day I said the same thing . . . and the next day . . . and here I am, over 25 months later, back on a Day 2.

NOTHING is worth that drink. Lay in bed. Scream. Cry. Shout every horrible word you know. Throw your arms around like a two-year-old. Drink a gallon of water until you feel like you're gonna throw up. Whatever. I like the creatively stupid approaches that tend to make my pain turn into laughter. Go to the batting cage. Wearing off the destructive energy always seemed to help me. Just please don't drink today. Just get through today. Tomorrow is your Day 10. 10 days will feel so much stronger than 9. It's a double digit. I can't wait until Day 10.

So much strength, peace and beauty sent your way!!

Be well.
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