Kelly - You really need to be checked out for depression. Depression does suck and its exactly how you have described it. I have been through depression myself and my husband is on meds for it. He is fine with the meds and life is good, but if he misses it I can tell. Mine was post pardum and I am okay now, but I needed medicine to get me through it then.
So you are addicted to pain pills, and the doctor knows this, but thinks its best to keep you on them because of the pain? Did I get that right? You might want to see a doctor that specializes in addictions. I would think there would be something else for pain management.