Thanks Mike. I really appreciate your thoughts, and will definitely give al-anon a try..
It's all very overwhelming right now - being with a recovering alcoholic mother, who I am just waiting for to relapse. Hopefully that won't happen, but I can't help but be pessimistic. It's hard to show her love and compassion (and I do love her), but I guess I am trying to guard myself against her - so I feel so bad that my behaviour toward her is 'fake' - surely she must be able to tell that my heart is not in being here with her?
Crap, I feel so awful.
But, I must get onto my own recovery too.
This isn't all about her illness - she has affected her family for a long time.
I'm glad I found this forum, it is helpful to read what others feel, and know that I am not alone.
Cheers,
DD