FS & Bubba, sorry you are both hurting - but SO much good stuff has already been said on this thread, I'm going to print it out & keep it to refer to. Dee - some of your most insightful & helpful observations, ever. You nailed it.
No need for me to repeat what's already been said, because it's perfect. I agree that it's the waiting that sucks. Waiting for the hopeful, joyful feeling that so many seem to have right out of the gate. I was too filled with anger, resentment, and fear to see any sort of brighter day on the horizon. The hopeful thoughts came creeping slowly in & a small candle was lit inside me. It only flickered for awhile, but finally began to glow brighter as my sober days started to add up. Many times I almost snuffed it out, but knew I couldn't go back into hell. My candle burns bright today, but it was a struggle. You are not alone.