Welcome to SR myxomatosis, every single alcoholic is unique, none of us drink the same amount, the same thing, at the same times etc. An alcoholic does not have to be some one who drinks wine living under a bridge, I am an alcoholic.
I am an alcoholic, I only had one DUI and that was 25 years or so before I quit drinking, I never was fired from a job for anything, I never spent a night in jail, I only wrecked one truck in 40 years. Yet the last 5 years I drank I never went a single day without drinking, I drank 6-8 every day driving home from work and then would spend the rest of the evening drinking alone in my garage.
M-F I never drank before 1 PM, the reason was I was working until 1 PM.
I was a functioning alcoholic for MANY years, but it was catching up with me in the end in all areas of my life, when I hit my bottom I was probably less then a year from losing my family, my job, my home, and my truck........... The house of cards were in a windstorm of my alcoholism and I was really having a heck of a time keeping it all together.
As several others have suggested read the book Alcoholics Anonymous, if you are an alcoholic you will be able to relate to a lot of what is said in there in regards to alcoholism.
FOR MOST normal folks , drinking means conviviality,
companionship and colorful imagination.
It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is
joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is
good.
I remember that well in the early days of my drinking.
It took a lot of years of drinking for me to relate fully to the following:
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew
from society, from life itself. As we became subjects
of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm,
the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It
thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought
out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship
and approval. Momentarily we did--then
would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face
the hideous Four Horsemen--Terror, Bewilderment,
Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this
page will understand!
Do some reading on alcoholism, it is a progressive disease, the longer an alcoholic drinks, the worse the disease gets, it never levels off, it ALWAYS gets worse with every drink!
I progressed in my disease slowly, it took me 35 years of drinking before I reached the point I was at the last 5 years of my drinking which is described described in my last quote from the Big Book.
My disease evolved slowly and I adapted as I needed to to maintain my drinking.